When you read this, have a box of Kleenex handy. You will need it because you are laughing SO hard or weeping as I did, ever so briefly. This is what happened…..
Nerves are shot since Sunday when we saw some poor deer get killed on the highway and when we got there the poor little thing was in the final throes of dying. This, my friends, is not a pretty sight. I don ‘t think I cried so hard in a very long time. It really was upsetting.
Okay…let’s go to yesterday…with my daughter coming here, her ‘mommy’ must bake her favourite things. Old fashioned corn muffins – top of the list. Oh wait – double the recipe and she will be able to take some home thinks mom. Good and done.
Now, let’s see company is coming and one lady cannot eat nuts so I will make her a fresh lemon cake I read about on face book. Okay, let’s see slice thin 4 lemons and place in a saucepan with a pinch of salt and 3 cups of water. Simple? Yea? great. After 15 minutes, place in a food processor to grind up the lemons until smooth and add the 3/4 cup of butter to grind up together.
Uh…okay I think I can use the large container for the ninja blender and, if necessary, do in two portions. Okay I get it in and now…get ready…
Stupid here tips the glass container into the machine and turns it on. NOTHING! I try again and, this time, shake the glass container a little and turn it on. NOTHING!. okay now it dawns on me. To remove the container I have to turn the WHOLE machine upside down to remove it and can you guess why? Of course you can. I forgot to put the blades on and I now have lemons and melted 3/4 cup of butter ALL OVER THE COUNTER like a bloomin’ river. Have you ever tried to grab paper towels with slippery hands and trying not to spill any of this on the floor?
Of course you haven’t ‘cuz you are so much smarter than I was . Where was my husband, you say? Well he was out running errands that took forever.
Back to the nightmare. I then figured that since I probably lost a lot of the lemon in the boiled water, I should strain it and then add the pulp to the mix. Fine. River of butter and lemon pulp abated, I carry on and do whatever the recipe said to do.
I don’t have a cake pan with 2 inch sides so…yup! I have to make 2 cakes. Fine, says me most sarcastically. Why not? What else can go wrong, I say.
As I am getting ready to pour this into the cake pans I think that the colour doesn’t look right so I look around the kitchen and….why should this be any different…the 4 eggs and egg yolks are in the bowl smiling back at me. I quickly add them to the bowl and beat it until it is mixed. I can NOW pour the batter into the 2 pans and bake for the set time. The bell rings and out they come. You must let these sit for 20 minutes before removing them from the pans and continue cooling on a rack.
Whilst hubby and I are on the deck having lunch. I say to him maybe we should sample this a bit. After all it is for company. Don says (still laughing) okay, just a sliver.
Here and now, let me apologize for anything you or your ancestors think I ever did them, I am really sorry.
I cut two slivers out and nearly capsize. The texture of this disaster is like a ‘settled creamy jelly’. OMG!
Into the garbage they go. That’s it, I quit for the day. Now to add insult to this (being me), my neighbor came over and I was telling her and Don was at the table as well. They just howled.
Not funny says I.
This is the most humbling experience for me. I just may have to give up baking. Be prepared family and friends.
There goes 50 plus years of baking any and all desserts no matter how difficult. This cake was called ‘Simple”. Right!!!!!